why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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