In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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