I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
