she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
