no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
