Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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