have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it was like eating out sand paper
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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