Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
