I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
