Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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