im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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