She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
