shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
As shirtless as possible
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
