I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
