Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Come on in and take your pants off
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