6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
