You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's never too late to be topless.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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