you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
