we're chasing vodka with high fives
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
