DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
