my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
