At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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