Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I want is dick and wine.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
