I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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