I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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