If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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