there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
