Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
