we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
