No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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