I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
this hospital has no fireball
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
