Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
