i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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