All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
