if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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