I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
