He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
