Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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