Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
