if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
