in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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