I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
