as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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