the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
