i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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