remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
