Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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