You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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