Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
