How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
