we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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