My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
we should paint friendship bongs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
