So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
