I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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